Happy Freakin New Year!

Well let me start off by saying Happy New Year to all my followers. I say all and I mean all. Just for the record, this blog will be going out a little farther into the world, but more on that in a minute. First off what you won’t find here is some ‘lame ass’ New Year’s resolution about how I ‘want’ to try and work out more or how I want to lose weight. The long and the short is resolutions are just excuses for not doing something right now.

In the gap between the last post and today, there have been a lot of things going on, not all of them positive. I have had more than a little bit of trouble getting on the bike, to the gym, to the pool or to the P90X. No excuse other than the fact I have had no desire to do it. It’s strange really, I thought moving out on my own would give me a fresh start and all this motivation, but all it has done is disconnect me in a way. At least when I was living at Chez Hammer, I had a reason to get up and get the hell out of the house in the morning to hit the gym. Now, not so much.

Are you detecting a tone yet? Anyone looking for light and fluffy may want to stop now and tune in tomorrow.

So as I looked into the mirror this morning I realized that I am disgusted by what was looking back. What was it? Still the same old Bernie. What’s wrong with that? Besides the weight, nothing. Bernie is for the most part a good person, smart, fun and blah, blah, blah. What I am is lonely and realizing that made me realize that before you can be in a relationship, you have to be ‘alright’ with yourself. I am NOT alright. So how do you fix this? Well you can sit on your ass and ignore the problem in the hopes that it will go away… or… You can get on the stupid bike, no matter how much you really don’t want to.

So today I started back on Greens+ and my vitamin regiment. Ate decently. And made a healthy dinner (with 3 lunches). I hopped on Spritz while watching Sin City and pounded away 45 minutes at 80-90 RPM. This will become much easier when my cadence computer finally arrives (BRAUN’s I’m looking your way…) and after I get a big hex key to fix my pedal. It felt good to get up there and hammer away, but my body is not thrilled. Not for nothing, but I’m sure it will be pissed when this starts again in 8 hours.

No one can make you do something you don’t want to do. It doesn’t matter what it is. If they try, you will half ass it or not do it to the best of your ability. Sometimes though you need more. When I lost the first 70 pounds it was because I was using hate to drag my butt out of bed (not proud, but it was hate of a person. Long story, but trust me it was justified). Well the hate is back, looking at the reflection got the same reaction and the only way to fix it is to work my ass off.

OK, I’m tired. I will fill you in about the blog plans later.

Goodnight and here’s to happier blogging,


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